Ladies and gentlemen of my office....

Since years I am stretching the limits of getting bored. I come to office, do boring chats with my boring friends. Every day I ask boring questions like ‘so, what’s up.’ And since four years they have replied ‘I am fine, you tell me’ and I say ‘me too, catch you sometimes,’ which never happens. Most of my social interactions are confined in these three short phrases- ‘so, what’s up’, ‘I am fine, you tell me’, ‘me too, catch you sometimes.’

I listen to long elaborated stories about how sensible is the new boyfriend/girlfriend of my colleagues.  How good it feels from getting out of a headless dating session with a nutcase. How important it is to get married to a person of your choice and raise healthy kids. Sometimes I give clichéd advices like ‘my dear friend I care for you so much that I really want this relationship to work for you,’ other time I say ‘keep talking, I am listening’. When tired, I use the combination of ‘I see’ and ‘Oh…ya’ after every two three sentences.

I just pretend that I am a dude who has taken rest from relationships because of some personal reasons. Of course at present I am not dating anyone but that’s because I simply don’t feel like that. I have spread rumors of my hot college acquaintances, who have suddenly become so interested in me that few of them are literally dying to go out for a date.  You have to do this to keep your stocks trade high and when you have a rowdy circle of male friends, most of them either lie about their happening sexual -life or they have adopted salesman’s attitude, attempting on every possible female whoever comes on their way---whether married or unmarried, hot, semi hot and even pseudo hot, the only criterion is that person should be a female in terms of pure biology. It pays at times but for a lazy bum like me watching my colleague’s attempts is equally satisfying.  

Loneliness or mass hysteria

Drove around in the streets of old Delhi- another unsuccessful attempt to fill emptiness with crowd. Strange, in a city which increases its population by 50% every 10 years, every new arrival only adds to more anonymity. Drove my way back through the deserted roads of Lutyens’ Delhi back to my dingy room again, I could not find any known stranger. I have never even seen my girl friends after breaking up. The sea of people drowns everyone once you are not in touch and it seems weird when people discuss how the information age has shrunk the world.
The impending arrival of another year means additional interaction to fellow humans to bid farewell to 2010, more alcohol and more futile bullshitting, fake laughter and more antic jokes. My schedule is packed 29- Uni, 30-rohini, 31-saket, 1-noida and I will be tweeting around my dead body on Sunday. I am not developing any new theory against Plato’s social man but this routine for me has extended for years and I am exhausted and bored with myself.  
Perhaps this is how bachelors live in the city, where it’s a rage to curse everything and pass judgements. At some stage it’s difficult to differentiate genuine knowledge from show off and I am also no different.
Although I am no psychologist but I presume that its loneliness that makes us do all these little experiments or may be its mass hysteria because in these changing times where our society and its morals are getting reshaped most of us are confused deciding what is moral behavior and what’s not.
Someone once told me about a book about some American of the early 60s. The sudden wealth had brought economic freedom and hence broke several boundaries caused by economic dependence on parents and spouse. Suddenly there was equality and it meant blurred lines of personal identity because most of the people suddenly started belonging to the same class. Our character didn’t wore flowers or sat with abbie Hoffman in one of his protests, he simply started wearing red hat--- so he was also different in his own ways, unfortunate for him the red hat movement didn’t pick up that well.     
Perhaps in this new equality wave and economic independence after liberalization which has forced us in finding our identity and this narcissist blog is also one example.

Growing up

“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.”

The Wonder Years quotes

I was no different from the other kids who fantasized growing up and getting out of the regimented life to live on their own and go helter skelter like a rolling stone. Finally came the day when from carefree adolescence to the romantic adulthood I am a man who has survived more than 27 years on this planet and the storage space of his brains have no room to shelter any boyish dreams.

Through all these years I have switched jobs had unsuccessful relationships, broke hearts and got heartburns. Messed my finances several times, got into serious trouble with alcohol and here I stand in the middle of the rubble of all these years trying to figure my way out. What to hold and what to give up; sometimes I wonder is growing up equally painful for everyone.

Sitting here in this matchbox type house in Delhi I am writing the first post of perhaps world’s most boring diary.